“If I don’t love myself, how can I possibly love someone else.”
I used to firmly believe in this quote ever since I was merely a child, of roughly 7-8 years old, who had absolutely no understanding on how important this quote truly was. I just knew that I loved myself beyond anyone and anything. Ironically, I was not able to grasp the importance of this sentence until years later when I had along with countless others, gotten lost in this fast-paced dynamic world.
For as long as I can remember, I would always buy myself a birthday gift and a valentine’s gift. I would always say it is for me from me! And when anyone asked me why or said I was being stupid or egoistic for doing so I would simply say, ‘well I love myself more than anyone so of course I am going to give myself a present from me. It didn’t have to be anything big or expensive, sometimes it could just be some flowers or a chocolate bar. I remember I would feel so good and happy about myself for that. Now when I look back and try to analyse my actions, it was something that made me happy, made me appreciate myself more. So why did I do it? Because it made me happy. As simple as that.
It is unfortunate but true that people tend to forget about themselves in this fast-paced life after a certain point. Other external things like studies, relationships, job, money, etc start becoming a priority over your own self. I too was an unfortunate soul that heeded other priorities over my own self. I no longer made myself a priority and over time I realized that I had completely let myself get lost in studies, relationship and job hunt to such an extent that I nearly lost my own identity. I was not giving myself the love I know I deserve. My health began to deteriorate as well, and I would feel burdened most of the time. Soon I began to remember what I used to do all those years ago repeating the words back to me saying “How indeed can anyone love you when you yourself don’t show love to you”. This got me to accept the love I thought I deserved, which was truly not as nice as I would have hoped. I knew I deserved better and if I do not treat myself with that love, I am teaching others that it is okay to treat me so, which in fact is not at all okay. When you know where you stand, and what you deserve, you will not tolerate any environment that is toxic. Which is better for your own well being in the long run.
It is then when I started to really understand the depth of the statement that I had made as a child. How could I know this as a child and not as a teenager and even sometimes not as an adult? I never tolerated anything I felt was toxic to my mental health or anything that would not bring me happiness. I as a person has always been a people-pleaser. I would say yes to things I really wanted to say no to. Self-love is also learning when to say no, and to learn to walk away from situations that are not good, for your mental health. In the end, you solely are responsible for your own wellbeing.
Which brings me to self-love. It is not about burdening yourself or forcing yourself to do something you don’t want to. If it stresses you out it is not an act of self-love. It is as simple as that. Self-love can be anything you want it to be because it is about loving and caring about your own self, it is about making yourself happy, to get a feel-good factor about yourself. It is absolutely alright if you do not know what to do, or how to practice the act of self-love, which is why it is of utmost importance that you need to figure it out. Not for anyone else but for your own self. You owe this much to yourself. To take time for yourself and to do what you like to do. If you dread the action or activity, then that is not worth it. It doesn’t have to be something major and expensive, no not at all. It is the little things that matter. Unfortunately, people sometimes tend to overlook the factor of small things. Even a small candy or flower can sometimes be enough. Also, it doesn’t mean you can just splurge every time calling is self-care.
If you are wondering what to do there are various suggestions available on the internet, even I could offer some suggestions, but in the end, only you know what works best for you. It is not necessary that what worked for one person would also work for another. So, do not fret if you still need time to find your centre. Some people may like to meditate, some to read, for some it could be watching a movie of their favourite genre, whereas some may like to go outdoors for an activity, some may like to paint or write and someone who I personally know, just likes to sleep it off. What you do is really not that important as to what you feel when you do it. Your state of mind is what is important, that is what it will make you feel and then later leave you with that feeling.
The main moral of self-love is to make yourself happy, to bring that peace and happiness to your mind. That is the feeling you need to reach for, for that will help you in your manifestations beyond what you could have ever imagined. When you are happy, when your mind is at peace, it reflects in your actions and behaviour. Your thoughts are brighter, you are smiling, and you feel good about doing things. You have a positive vibe and the energy you give out is a positive one. Soon you began to notice positivity being attracted to you. You may also notice a rise in your confidence level and you feel better to face any challenges that you may come across.
They say what goes around, comes around and when you have positive vibes to give, that is what thou shall attract then. That’s an ancient law, I think. When you start on your journey towards manifestation or any journey in life, be it even for things like a relationship, a job or even self-discovery; it all begins with you. You are the main source, you are the core of the journey. Thus, it is very important that have love for yourself, find that inner child that is filled with love, happiness, and hope, for when you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anybody else to?
